There is a phrase that has been spoken to me many times in my life and most of the time from some one close to me. It comes from a place of love and acceptance but in fact is hurtful and insulting. I am not calling out anyone by name because my goal is not to point fingers and make them feel guilty. Rather I would like to use this opportunity to educate those that have said these words to a person of color.
I am a person of color. I am a black woman. I have a white mother and a black father. I live in a world that forces me to walk a fine line between races. I must blend and be accepted by white people. I have to defend and prove my worthiness to black people. I am mixed. I was raised in a predominately white town in Oregon. But the bottom line is.... I AM BLACK.
Which brings me to the phrase that bothers me so.
I am a person of color. I am a black woman. I have a white mother and a black father. I live in a world that forces me to walk a fine line between races. I must blend and be accepted by white people. I have to defend and prove my worthiness to black people. I am mixed. I was raised in a predominately white town in Oregon. But the bottom line is.... I AM BLACK.
Which brings me to the phrase that bothers me so.
I don't see color when I look at you.
I have heard it from employers, friends, strangers, and even family. It's usually followed by "I just see you", or "you're just Rena", or sometimes "because you don't act very black".
Ignoring the color of my skin is not a sign of affection. It does not show me you love me, It actually sheds light on the fact that you don't really see me and perhaps don't understand me. To be my friend I need you to acknowledge I am a colored person in America and might have had struggles that go along with it. Understand privilege. Not just White Privilege, but light skinned blacks have advantages over dark (especially in the entertainment industry). Also in this nation you might have extra privilege for being a male, christian, and of course rich.
I will try to understand you as well. I understand there are many situations that are hard for you to grasp because you have never encountered them. You have never been called Nigger and had a can thrown at your head. Never told to go back to a country you have never been to. Never been confronted by a stranger and told your mixed race is an abomination against God.
When you look at me and say "I don't see color" you are denying all my experiences, my heritage, the brown badge I will wear until the day I die.
Ignoring the color of my skin is not a sign of affection. It does not show me you love me, It actually sheds light on the fact that you don't really see me and perhaps don't understand me. To be my friend I need you to acknowledge I am a colored person in America and might have had struggles that go along with it. Understand privilege. Not just White Privilege, but light skinned blacks have advantages over dark (especially in the entertainment industry). Also in this nation you might have extra privilege for being a male, christian, and of course rich.
I will try to understand you as well. I understand there are many situations that are hard for you to grasp because you have never encountered them. You have never been called Nigger and had a can thrown at your head. Never told to go back to a country you have never been to. Never been confronted by a stranger and told your mixed race is an abomination against God.
When you look at me and say "I don't see color" you are denying all my experiences, my heritage, the brown badge I will wear until the day I die.
Look at these sweet brothers. One with dark features and one with light. Both equally adorable and optimistic with the world and what life has to offer. Same Parents, same upbringing, same environment. However I will have to have two separate conversations as they evolve into adults. They will not be greeted in this world the same because of the color of their skin. That is just a fact. Even if it is subtle and less frequent in decades to come, there will always be bigots. As a mother I need to prepare them for situations. Whether they might witness harm against a person of color or themselves are a target of an attack.
So, think of me, think of my two sons. And the next time you are deep in a conversation with a close friend or family member that is a person of color. Don't say "I don't see color when I look at you" because that is not love. That is not affection. That is not understanding. There is no empathy in that statement.
Instead say "I bet you have some stories to tell and have a perspective I could only imagine. I may not be able to match my skin to yours, but I hope for a world where we are treated the same."
So, think of me, think of my two sons. And the next time you are deep in a conversation with a close friend or family member that is a person of color. Don't say "I don't see color when I look at you" because that is not love. That is not affection. That is not understanding. There is no empathy in that statement.
Instead say "I bet you have some stories to tell and have a perspective I could only imagine. I may not be able to match my skin to yours, but I hope for a world where we are treated the same."